The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby's grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida. ~Dave Barry
A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough to take it all away. ~Barry Goldwater
Don't laugh at the coffee. Some day you, too, may be old and weak. ~Author Unknown
Skepticism is history's bedfellow. ~Edgar Saltus
The best rule of friendship is to keep your heart a little softer than your head. ~Author Unknown
Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. ~From the movie Fight Club, based on the novel by Chuck Palahniuk
Never assume the obvious is true. ~William Safire, Sleeper Spy
A poet must leave traces of his passage, not proof. ~Rene Char
Sometimes... when you hold out for everything, you walk away with nothing. ~From the television show Ally McBeal
Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. ~Mahatma Gandhi
Cookies are made of butter and love. ~Norwegian Proverb
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking. ~Henry Louis Mencken, "Sententiae," This and That: A Mencken Chrestomathy, 1948
Hunting is not a sport. In a sport, both sides should know they're in the game. ~Paul Rodriguez
I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill. ~Erma Bombeck
What is right is often forgotten by what is convenient. ~Bodie Thoene, Warsaw Requiem
Never let the little head do the thinking for the big head. ~Author unknown, advice to teenage boys, quoted in Friendly Advice compiled by Jon Winokur
Poverty is no disgrace to a man, but it is confoundedly inconvenient. ~Sydney Smith, His Wit and Wisdom, 1900
I'm not 40, I'm eighteen with 22 years experience. ~Author Unknown
Two little girls, on their way home from Sunday school, were solemnly discussing the lesson. "Do you believe there is a devil?" asked one. "No," said the other promptly. "It's like Santa Claus: it's your father." ~Ladies' Home Journal, quoted in 2,715 One-Line Quotations for Speakers, Writers & Raconteurs by Edward F. Murphy
A love that lasts for twenty years may be better than love, but it isn't love. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
It is easier to commit murder than to justify it. ~Aemilius Papinianus
Women may be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships. ~James Shubert
I have seen the future and it is very much like the present - only longer. ~Kehlog Albran
An optimist is the human personification of spring. ~Susan J. Bissonette